Child Knows Best
So many overweight women worry that their children will also have a weight problem. If you have ever seen Dr. Phil or some of the other talk shows, I am sure that you have seen the overweight parents with severely overweight children. It is clear that there is a link there. Genetics? Perhaps a little, but mostly it is about lifestyle. Allow me to elaborate.
I have been sort of nonchalantly watching my daughter lately. Watching her eat, that is. My mother-in-law is always worried about what she eats, that she isn’t eating enough meat, etc. But my observations have really led me to believe that she is getting what she needs for now. Sometimes she just is not hungry, so she doesn’t eat. When she does eat, she eats until she has had enough and has no qualms about leaving food on her plate and walking away (or feeding her leftovers to the dogs). She really enjoys her food and eats very slowly. Sometimes she even makes “mmmmm mmmmm” sounds when she eats if she really likes it. She is a typical 3-year old, she likes things that are sweet. She prefers bread (but I only buy whole grain with no HFCS) to vegetables and does not like anything too spicy or “nasty” as she calls it. She snacks on almonds, dried figs, whole wheat pretzels and other various fresh fruits. She accepts that we do not eat ice cream every day. I like to have her “help” me make food on a regular basis. She can stir and pour in ingredients. I turn it into a little lesson for her – we talk about what goes in the food, why we eat it, or talk about what letters all the ingredients start with. I love that she knows what agave nectar is!
I really try to avoid making a big deal out of eating. Because I am trying my best to live a healthy lifestyle, you will rarely find junk food in my house. I make one meal for dinner, either Lili eats it or she doesn’t. I offer praise for trying new foods. I hide vegetables whenever possible. I would like her to think that this healthy way of eating is “normal”. Of course she has not gotten to the age when she goes over to friends’ houses and samples their perhaps not so healthy lifestyles. I do not ever tell her to “clean her plate”. Food is just food. It gives us nourishment and energy. I really try my best to not use food as a reward, though I have bribed with a healthy dessert a few times when Lili was on a hunger strike.
Of course, a healthy lifestyle is more than just the food we chose to shove in our mouths. I feel pretty good that Lili knows what all of my exercise equipment is called. She likes to do my bhangra dance videos with me (I think she does it better than me to – she has rhythm!). She enjoys going hiking in the woods, loves to swim, and is a great running partner even though she doesn’t run. She does, however, tell me to “go faster!” and yells at me if I stop. We try to incorporate some activity into every day. Sometimes we turn on some silly songs and dance, sometimes we go to the playground and run around, sometimes we go to open gym at a gymnastics studio. I don’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just something we do. She does not appreciate the fact that I limit her TV time, but that’s part of life – learning to deal with things that we do not like.
I am no different than many other women. Having been overweight most of my life, I do not want my daughter to have to go through that. But I am not modeling the tactics used by my own parents. I think these things made my problems worse. Of course back then I did not know I had PCOS, and this in retrospect is probably a blessing since that probably would have made my mother put a lock on the refrigerator and cupboards. I am not attempting to control, just model healthy behaviors the majority of the time. I keep healthy food in the house, not buy junk food and tell her not to eat it. I will NEVER NEVER tell her she is fat or give her nicknames like Thunder Thighs. I will not drag her to Weight Watchers meetings when she is 10 years old. I have to be careful about what I say too – I need to watch my own self-criticism because I do not want her to repeat it. Most of all, I do not ever want her to think I do not love her exactly the way she is. So many fat kids grow up thinking that their parents can only love them if they are thin. I know I did.
Right now, Lili is a confident and active little girl. I would like her to stay that way. And I think the best way for me to do that is to give up some control, to have faith that she knows what she needs most of the time. When it comes to food anyway. There will be no Clean Plate Club in my house. And no sugared cereals either. Or white bread. Ice cream is always organic and natural with no chemicals in it. We are keeping it real around here. And for now, we are all OK with that. And it’s good to be OK!
