Yummy Life

I  just want to ride your motor-sickle! 

My mother always used to say that.  Later on it kind of became my mantra. Even as a newlywed, I didn’t have a normal sexual appetite.  I always attributed it to body image issues, which definitely played a part in it.  But there was more to the story.  Frequent infections, PCOS and then infertility definitely did NOT make things any better.  Something that kept running through my head suddenly stood out:  ”I’m not a real woman”.  Real women, after all, were feminine, not adorned with chin hairs and a mustache.  Real women had curves, not rolls that would not even turn on the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  Once we began the infertility journey, things took a real turn for the worse.  I COULD NOT BEAR CHILDREN, the one thing that defines womanhood in my opinion. What is the point of having sex?  Sex, after all, is for babymaking, and that was not going to happen “the old-fashioned way”. 

The one thing I can tell you is that my attitude toward sex, and the dry spells that have accompanied my 10-year marriage, have not been good for the relationship.  I’ve read countless books, been to therapists, and bought sex toys.  But there was a secret to learning to enjoy tickling the pickle once again.  

Maintaining a good relationship with your partner is so important, especially if you are battling PCOS or having trouble conceiving.  These things can destroy relationships if you are not careful.  This topic will definitely be discussed in my upcoming fertility coaching program.  IT IS SO IMPORTANT.  Men think differently about sex than women do, and it’s crucial to understand this and make some concessions in the bedroom.  

The number one thing standing in your way of having a better relationship is YOU.  Yes, you have challenges.  You may even have very good reasons for not wanting to be intimate.  The good news is that you hold the power,and things can definitely change for you.  But the good sex fairy does not exist ladies, so you will need to give a little attention to the magic wand and make your own happily ever after.  

Yes, I know, you just don’t feel like it. TOO BAD!  Do you want things to be better?  Come and find out some tips for learning to like sex again at my FREE info call on Tuesday, April 20, at 9:30 pm.  Take the Tickle the Pickle Challenge!  Click here for details…

WARNING:  I am likely to touch a couple of nerves, so be prepared.  I’ve faced the ugly truth, and so can you.  This topic requires some firm coaching, and what kind of coach would I be if I couldn’t be honest with you?  

I hope to “see” you on the call!  

Holly

I have just begun my new free teleclass on enhancing fertility naturally.  The first call was last night.  My biggest fear is always something going wrong technically, and something always does, so I think I am manifesting this bad luck.  I’ll have to do some meditation next week!  I got cut off in the beginning and got back on the line, and the replay doesn’t work  The back up recording does, however, so I can still give everyone the recording as promised – you’ll just need to forward through the first 20 minutes or so to get to the part where I’m talking.  I WILL figure this out or use a different teleconferencing service!  No one wanted to interact on the call, which would have made it more interesting, but once it got started all was good.

I shared a couple of techniques on the call.  This call is a preview to my 12-week Fertile Attraction group coaching program that starts in May.  There will be so many more things to learn in the program, this was just a snippet.  I would LOVE some feedback – so please listen to the recording if you weren’t on the call and reply to this post.  Was this a pertinent topic?  What did you think of the exercises?  What sort of things would you like to see covered in the 12-week program?  Fertile Attraction is a sort of support group with a learning element – we’ll lift each other up and learn techniques for staying positive and possibly even increasing our chances of becoming pregnant.

Here is the recording – you can listen on your computer or download to listen to it on your mp3 player:

http://events.nfinite.com/13412366675402.mp3

I’ll be giving away 2 great FertilAid products – FertilAid for Women and FertilAid for Men- yes, 2 winners of the giveaway!  All you need to do is make a comment on this post.  But wait, there’s more (cue the infomercial) – if you become a fan on my Facebook page or if you become my friend on Facebook you’ll get bonus entries.  You can also follow me on Twitter for another bonus entry opportunity.  Good luck everyone!

Next week’s call will be on Tuesday at 9 pm and will be entitled “Demystifying the Fertility Diet”.  Hope to see you on the call!

Holly

The holidays can be rough for a lot of people.  Especially for people with health challenges and those who have faced trauma or loss. A friend of mine who is having a particularly hard time this year recently told me that she has nothing to be thankful for this year.  I replied, “Nothing?  Really?”  She has a wonderful husband who would do anything for her.  She has a beautiful and healthy daughter.  A job she likes.  Yes, she suffered a tragedy earlier in the year and Thanksgiving won’t be the same this year.  She admitted that she is jealous of all of the families that have grandmas and grandpas and even great grandmas and grandpas all together at Thanksgiving.  Life is not turning out to be the perfect life that she imagined it would be.  Feelings of “life’s not fair” keep popping up.

If you are trying to conceive and are having challenges, these feelings probably feel familiar to you.  I have silently suffered the news of friends and family members getting pregnant for years.  I’d say “congratulations” and then go home and cry.  News like that felt like a knife to the heart.  Why does everyone else I know just imagine sperm swimming up the love canal and get pregnant and I go years without being able to conceive?  It isn’t fair.  I really want to be pregnant, I really want another child.  I’ve even thought bad things about random pregnant women in the grocery store.  Now, is that really fair?  That woman with the bulging belly may have had to do IVF in order to get pregnant.  Or maybe she was barfing her brains out the first 3 months of her pregnancy.  Maybe she just found out her husband is having an affair and she is facing life as a single mom.  Or maybe, she really does have a nice, happy family.  It’s still no reason to hate her.  If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I could look at a woman like that and be genuinely happy for her, I’d have laughed at you.  I still had not let go of the bitterness and jealousy that encompassed my heart.  The reason I could not let go is that I did not realize how much I really had to be grateful for in my life.

What do you do if you are tortured by feelings of jealousy and “why me?” this holiday season?  I’ll share with you a simple exercise that you can do to reduce your jealousy demon and allow gratitude into your heart.  When you plant seeds of jealousy, more jealousy will grow.  And you will continue to be miserable.  Why not practice some compassion and love instead?  By planting compassion and love, more will grow and soon you will realize that these feelings of jealousy no longer plague you.  You will come to see that pain is all relative, and that one person’s pain and suffering is not greater or less than your own.  You will be able to see your friends’ suffering, therefore you will be able to not only see but share in their happiness as well.  Not just share it, but really feel it.  And this feels much better than the bitter feelings of jealousy that pinch, nag and kick down your psyche.

How to Reduce Feelings of Jealousy

Create an altar of gratitude.  Take 5 candles and line them up on a table or other flat surface.  On a sheet of paper or in a notebook, write down 5 things for which you are truly grateful.  Light your first candle and say out loud, “I am thankful for _____ because ______. ”  Look at your paper and say the second thing on your list, then light the second candle.  Repeat the phrase.  Do this for  the third, fourth and fifth items on your list.  When all of your candles are lit, spend a few moments in silence, holding that feeling of gratitude in your heart.  When you are finished, blow out the candles but keep the paper with your list on it.  Hang it someplace where you will see it often – a mirrror, your refrigerator.  You could even make a screen saver with your list on it to remind you on a daily basis.  Remember that you can go to your altar whenever you need to get back in touch with those feelings of gratitude.

As I have really gotten in touch with the suffering of other women with PCOS and others who are trying to conceive, my love and compassion has grown immensely.  If someone announces that she is pregnant, I truly do feel happy for her.  Her triumphs give me hope and I feel connected not only to her suffering but to her happiness as well.  And this feels so much better than being jealous.  I still have those feelings of  ”I wish it was me” but I replace those thoughts with “This will be me soon”.  I am preparing to have a baby in every way.  A baby will come into my life, I just am not sure of exactly how he or she will get here.  But I am grateful for the journey I am taking and all of the memories I am making along the way!

An entry from my gratitude journal:

I am thankful for my supportive family.  I know that no matter what happens, no one is judging me for the choices that I have made.  I am grateful for my husband and my daughter, Liliana.  I am grateful that I get to spend so much time with them and get to make wonderful memories each and every day.  I am grateful for every “I love you” and the feelings of good energy that are transferred into my very being each and every day.  I am grateful for the love of my kitty and my puppies – it feels great to be loved so much unconditionally.  They have taught me that there is no place in my life for jealousy or ill will.  I am grateful to God for all of the opportunities I have had in my life.  I know that I am going down the path that I am meant to take.  I am grateful for His love and support; without Him I would be nothing.

Take a few moments to write down 5 things for which you are grateful.  Put a little bit more meaning into the holiday this year.  Happy Thanksgiving!  I am truly grateful for all of your support and feedback!

Holly

I can honestly say that I am very content with my life right now.  I am doing work I love, am having a great time being a very involved and engaged mom, and for the first time in a long time, I am feeling pretty good physically as well.  If there is one thing that I have discovered in my own life, which has definitely shaped my viewpoint as a life coach, is that it is necessary to take care of your mind, body and spirit when you are attempting to change your life.  If one of those elements is missing, it will be apparent.  Sort of like a puzzle with a hole it it, it just won’t look right.

I stay away from giving advice for the most part with my coaching clients, but I do try to gently point out when one of these elements might be missing.  For example, if a client is doing very well sticking to an eating and exercise plan but is still thinking negative thoughts about her body and her lifestyle, the mind element needs some attention.  This is an often overlooked piece of the puzzle – most people do not realize what a HUGE impact mindset has on the outcomes in our lives.  I have talked to woman after woman who has lost a significant amount of weight and looks great but still has a self-hatred that makes Cruella Deville look like Mary Poppins.  Why are women often so mean to themselves?  I don’t really know, I can be pretty brutal to myself sometimes too.  In my opinion, however, the spirit element is the one that is most often missing from the picture.  The excuse I hear a lot is “I am not a spiritual person”.  Sometimes this means “I am not a religious person” and sometimes it means “I do not believe in a higher power” and sometimes it means “I am not into all that woo-woo crap”.  But the truth is that spirituality can be all of these things, or it can be none of them.  Spirituality has a different meaning for each individual, and you could be nurturing your spiritual side and not even know it, or you could be overlooking some simple ways to nurture your spirit and complete the puzzle that is your life.

I get put on the spot a lot and get asked “are you religious?” and things of that nature.  Sometimes I answer, sometimes I give a vague answer.  I have discovered that most people that ask that question have questions about spirituality and want to know if I would approve of their spiritual practices (or lack thereof).  I’ll just lay it all on the line:  yes, I am a religious person, but this is something with which I have struggled nearly my whole life.  And my religious and spiritual sides are sometimes one in the same, and sometimes they are not.  I feel that my spiritual side is nurtured by attending worship services and for spending some quiet time each day in prayer or meditation.  But I also feel that running, hiking in the woods, taking a hot bath, cooking also nurture my spiritual side.  They are things that I do just for me.  They are things that allow me to escape from the stresses of the day.  They relax me and allow me to manage stress.  I have discovered, especially over the last few years, that I need quiet time.  Noise drives me crazy after a while.  I need time to just “be”.  And I need it often.  Sometimes I do nothing at all, and for me, this is a spiritual moment.

Early next year I am launching a program that will help women that are struggling with infertility to help balance their lives by addressing all three elements:  mind, body and spirit.  It will be a group coaching program that will be limited to just a few participants, and you will be hearing a lot about this program in the next couple of months.  I’ll be having a free teleseminar to tell you more about the program and all that it will include.  I am guessing that your doctor probably has not told you about a program like this one!  I am planning on returning to the fertility specialist to “try again” next year, so you can rest assured that I am going through this with you – it will be an authentic experience for you to connect with other women who understand exactly what you are thinking and feeling.  I am keeping the group small so that we can form a real connection and offer genuine support to one another, even if we live in different parts of the world.  More information to come, I promise!

Are you addressing your mind, body and spirit right now?  Does one of the elements need attention, or are you struggling to gain balance in your life?  Could you benefit from support?  If so, I offer a free Discovery session to all of my clients – just visit my website and send me an email or fill out the contact form:  http://www.yummylifecoaching.com.

Be Well!

Holly

I hate to get too personal, but I would not be who I am today without my struggle with infertility.  Since I was about 5 years old, I have wanted to be a mother.  I just assumed I would be a mother someday.  Even as a teenager, I knew that something was wrong with me.  I never had my period every 28 days.  The older I got, the worse it got.  By the time I was in college, I got my period every couple of months if I was lucky.  But not wanting to be a mother just yet, I went on birth control.  I stayed on it until I got married at age 24.  I got off of it, hoping “it would happen” but I knew deep down it would not be that easy.  I got diagnosed with PCOS at age 27 when my husband and I decided we wanted to start a family.  I was referred to a fertility specialist who did not offer a whole lot of hope that we’d be able to get pregnant without in vitro.  But we tried.  Then we took a break.  Then we REALL”Y tried.  Several IUIs, injectable meds, very little insurance coverage.  It totally got us in debt.  Adoption was always an option for us, so to avoid going broke, we opted to pursue adoption and not do in vitro.  For me, the worst thing that could happen was for us to be childless forever.  It was NOTa an option.  

So, at the age of 32, I became a mother for the first time.  

Life wasn’t completely rosey after that, but it turned out pretty good  I still want to be pregnant, to feel what it’s like to have a human being growing inside me, to push a human being out of my body….I struggle with this longing to bear a child.  How would Lili feel about this?  Is it even possible?  More on this later….

I blog about it.  I talk about it.  I help other women that have it.  But many people don’t even know what PCOS is.   So here are some quick highlights:

• More than 1 in 10 women are afflicted
• Symptoms can lead to serious conditions such as obesity, diabetes, and infertility
• PCOS is the #1 cause of infertility in women

I blog because I think that many women have this condition and donot even know it.  Many of the women that have it don’t know what to do about i.  I know that it is a very difficult condition to live with, and I am dedicating my life to helping other women overcome this condition and live their yummiest life.  It is possible – there is more to managing this condition than consulting with your physician.