Yummy Life

I  just want to ride your motor-sickle! 

My mother always used to say that.  Later on it kind of became my mantra. Even as a newlywed, I didn’t have a normal sexual appetite.  I always attributed it to body image issues, which definitely played a part in it.  But there was more to the story.  Frequent infections, PCOS and then infertility definitely did NOT make things any better.  Something that kept running through my head suddenly stood out:  ”I’m not a real woman”.  Real women, after all, were feminine, not adorned with chin hairs and a mustache.  Real women had curves, not rolls that would not even turn on the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  Once we began the infertility journey, things took a real turn for the worse.  I COULD NOT BEAR CHILDREN, the one thing that defines womanhood in my opinion. What is the point of having sex?  Sex, after all, is for babymaking, and that was not going to happen “the old-fashioned way”. 

The one thing I can tell you is that my attitude toward sex, and the dry spells that have accompanied my 10-year marriage, have not been good for the relationship.  I’ve read countless books, been to therapists, and bought sex toys.  But there was a secret to learning to enjoy tickling the pickle once again.  

Maintaining a good relationship with your partner is so important, especially if you are battling PCOS or having trouble conceiving.  These things can destroy relationships if you are not careful.  This topic will definitely be discussed in my upcoming fertility coaching program.  IT IS SO IMPORTANT.  Men think differently about sex than women do, and it’s crucial to understand this and make some concessions in the bedroom.  

The number one thing standing in your way of having a better relationship is YOU.  Yes, you have challenges.  You may even have very good reasons for not wanting to be intimate.  The good news is that you hold the power,and things can definitely change for you.  But the good sex fairy does not exist ladies, so you will need to give a little attention to the magic wand and make your own happily ever after.  

Yes, I know, you just don’t feel like it. TOO BAD!  Do you want things to be better?  Come and find out some tips for learning to like sex again at my FREE info call on Tuesday, April 20, at 9:30 pm.  Take the Tickle the Pickle Challenge!  Click here for details…

WARNING:  I am likely to touch a couple of nerves, so be prepared.  I’ve faced the ugly truth, and so can you.  This topic requires some firm coaching, and what kind of coach would I be if I couldn’t be honest with you?  

I hope to “see” you on the call!  

Holly

Well, I have set some pretty intense goals for myself, knowing that I was bound to falter sooner or later.  I want to be a She-Woman, but the truth is that I am an overweight 35 year old woman with chronic pain issues.  I have hopes that being more athletic will help my chronic pain but I know myself enough to realize that this will not be a pain-free battle.  I expect the “normal” type of pain, like sore muscles and the burn you feel when you are pushing yourself to your physical limits.  What I forget about is my “normal” pain. I have to spend a lot of time and money in order to keep myself relatively pain free.  I tell people I get a weekly massage and they are like “lucky you” or “wow, aren’t you a princess?”  Um, no.  Not lucky me.  Lucky me needs to carve out that hour and a half (w/travel time) that it takes to get a massage every week.  I need to find a babysitter for that time or sometimes I just can’t and my pain is so bad that I just need to bring her with me.  Luckily, I have known my massage therapist for a long time and my child is actually pretty well-behaved during this time.  I think she has sympathy for my pain, actually.  She will often ask me “Mama, does your back hurts?” if I groan or make a face.  She sees me ice my back, she comes with me to the chiropractor, she sees me do my back exercises.  I do not want her to feel sorry for me.  I want her to see my triumph over my pain and see me living a healthy life in spite of these small setbacks.

What really sucks is that when the pain comes on this bad, it takes like 2 weeks to recover from it.  My back was pinched and seized but so bad that I couldn’t lift my left leg!  It hurt so bad I couldn’t sleep, so working out during the day was hard because I was so tired.  But I did continue to strength train and stretch during the week, and did some walking and a couple of videos that weren’t too intense.  Sometimes jumping and high impact exercises hurt my back.  So I am faced with having to work within my limits.  I know that my back gets inflamed, and that PCOS involves some inflammatory reactions as well.  So I have decided to adopt an anti-inflammatory diet (I eat this way most of the time but I think I am eating too much meat right now) along with slightly modifying my exercise goals.  It’s for the best.  I will be a She-Woman, I’ll just go about it differently.

So, I have printed out a copy of Andrew Weil’s anti-inflammatory food pyramid and will adjust it to meet my daily calorie limits.  I will do my best to follow this every day.  I not only want to look better but I want to FEEL better.  Because feeling the way I have for the last two weeks is not FUN.  I feel like I am about to turn 80 instead of 35.

Second, I think I really  need to think about my physical limitations and what is best for me long-term.  I know that running burns a lot of calories and does help me lose weight but I do not think it really does my back any favors.  I’ve decided to work toward being able to WALK a half-marathon instead of running a 5K.  I will find a half-marathon in a fun place, sign up, download a training schedule, and start training.  I will aim to walk as fast as I can and will set a goal time for finishing on the day of the race.  It will all be good!

I will not let this pain sideline me.  I am going to continue my intensive strength training to strengthen my back muscles (along with every other muscle in my body).  As the lady on my video says “muscle burns fat!” – at this point I am choosing to trust her completely  and follow the workout schedule in my guide book along with adding some daily walking.

I am having trouble with the waking up early thing.  I hate waking up.  I hate mornings.  But I need to do it in order to have time to work out twice a day.  So starting tomorrow I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY MOST DEFINITELY will wake up at 6:30 tomorrow and take my dog for a walk.  A fast walk.  In the cold.  Brrrrrrrr.

I am looking forward to my RESOLVE coaching group beginning so that I will have lots of accountability partners to keep me on track.  There is definitely power in numbers.  This will be my most affordable weight release focused group ever.  And I’ll be telling you all about it tomorrow!  Woo hoo!

Off to my massage appointment now!  Don’t feel too jealous – no babysitter today – this should be a blast!

Until tomorrow….

I’m taking some time to publicly declare my personal goals for the year.  I’ve also gone through the trouble to take a look at goals I’ve made in years gone by.  So far, my track record is not great as far as actually reaching the goals that I’ve set for myself.  Why is that?  Sometimes the goals were unrealistic considering what was going on in my life at the time.  More often than not I just did not take the time to keep the goal in the front of my mind and to track my progress.  Instead it got tossed aside into the closet of Forgotten Dreams and ended up on the bottom of the junk pile. No one ever asks me about all of the forgotten dreams because I never told anyone about them!  I totally missed the opportunity gain valuable supporters who could have cheered me on and encouraged me when I felt like giving up.  Well, not this time.  I have friends, family, my online communities, my clients and my clients-to-be.  I believe in being totally authentic, in practicing what I preach.  I’ve been taking small steps to total wellness over the last couple of years.  This year, I am going to make a giant leap.

So, this year, the following things are on my agenda:

1.)  Reduce my waist size by 5-8 inches by July 1, 2010.

2.)  Run a 10K on May 8, 2010.

3.)  Maintain a PCOS-friendly fertility diet that includes 4-6 servings of vegetables per day plus supplements to decrease my PCOS symptoms and improve my overall fertility.

4.) Begin IVF process in April, 2010 – before my 35th birthday, and be healthy enough to do it.

5.) Be able to buy clothes in ANY store I choose by July 1, 2010.

Those are my ultimate goals for the year.  I’ve decided to break it up into smaller goals for each month, to make it easier to achieve the bigger ones.  So for this month, I am going to maintain a regular schedule each week that includes regular times for exercise, work, and relaxation.  I will get up each morning at 6 am in order to run before the day begins.  I will do this 6X per week and allow myself one day off.  I will go to bed at the same time each evening in order to promote better sleep.  I will engage in strength training 3-4 days per week in the afternoon.  I will eat 5 servings of vegetables per day and maintain a 1500 calorie per day diet and re-evaluate on February 1.  I will write down what I eat each day and journal about my experience.  My pants will be loose on February 1, 2010.

All of these goals are realistic.  I want to lose fat and be as healthy as I can be.  I want to work my way toward being “athletic”, something I have never been.  Life is busy and hectic, and I am sure that I will not do things 100% perfectly.  That’s OK.  I am setting both my personal and professional goals high.  Research shows that the higher you set your goals, the more you achieve.  So, screw being 1 size smaller, losing 10 lbs, and running a 5K!  Though I am keeping my personal and professional goals separate, they do intertwine.  I want to be more comfortable on camera when doing my own videos and for when I make television appearances, so that involves continuing to lose fat and gain muscle.  I want to experience fertility treatment along with my clients during my Fertile Attraction group, so I want to get healthy enough to have a running chance at IVF working.  Basically, the healthier I am, the more I will be able to give my business.  They are indeed connected.

So, if you have some things to accomplish this year, outline some clear, concise goals.  Make them a stretch for you but keep them realistic.  Make sure it is measurable – you  must be able to track your progress.  Take that first step by sharing your goals on this post – make them public!  Let’s do this together!  Please comment – let’s keep each other accountable!

For everything we do, or do not do, there is a cost.  Even when we are doing something positive.  There are many, many excuses that are given for not adopting a healthier lifestyle or for not committing wholeheartedly.  I have uttered many of them myself.  The thing that I have noticed is that I always end up in exactly the same place.  STARTING OVER.  New promises to myself, new declarations to others.

If you have some health issues, such as PCOS, that could greatly benefit from living healthier, eating better, and moving more, you likely are aware of the cost of putting these things off.  Perhaps your relationship is suffering because your poor body image is keeping you from being the sexy Goddess that you are.  Or maybe your social life is suffering.  Worst of all, perhaps this is costing you your fertility.  You may not understand why although you understand that the cost of NOT getting healthy is high, you do not commit to making changes in your lifestyle that could have a great and positive impact on your entire life’s outcome.  Is it because the cost of commitment is too high for you?

Yes, there is a cost to making healthy lifestyle changes.  Perhaps you have gotten used to paying the price for being overweight and in less than stellar shape.  Maybe it doesn’t seem so high to you anymore.  The price of getting healthy can definitely have a high price as well.  You may have to sever your relationship with certain foods.  You may have to alter your social life.  Your significant other will be impacted as well, and you may have to deal with a less than supportive partner.  You may have to avoid certain social activities if temptation proves to be too much for you to handle.  You will have to sacrifice hours of your week in order to exercise.  You may have to learn how to cook, or cook healthier.  You will likely spend more time on food preparation and shopping.  You will spend more time in learning how to balance all the elements of your life.  And worst of all, for most people, is that you will have to face your demons.  If you do not deal with the issues that have caused you hurt, pain, disappointment and frustration in the past, you will likely end up right where you are today.  You will have to put your armor on and rush in to battle the negative voices in your head.  You will need to capture the negative thoughts – take them prisoner – and rehabilitate them into positive affirmations that will help you reach your goals.  And no, this will not be easy.

Like me, you may have beat yourself up from time to time for not sticking to your healthy eating plan and letting exercise fall to the wayside.  You may be disgusted with yourself for letting things get out of hand and for not taking the bull by the horns sooner in order to get on track to a healthier life.  Time has indeed been wasted, but it’s not the end of the world.  You may just not have understood how much it would cost to make such a commitment.  Perhaps you did not have the emotional currency in order to pay the price and be in it for the long haul.  YOU HAVE IT IN YOU TO MAKE A CHANGE.  OR MANY OF THEM. The costs of getting healthy are steep, but the cost of NOT getting healthy is much higher.  It could cost you your health, your fertility, or even your LIFE.

Have you been putting off making lifestyle changes but aren’t really sure why?  Make a list of all of the costs of getting healthy.  Be totally honest.  Hold nothing back. Looking at this list will help you to understand what has been standing in your way.  Don’t even worry about the price of doing nothing.  You are well aware of the price of this.

I encourage people to really prepare for lifestyle changes.  Jumping in with your eyes closed will have you swimming for the exit before you know it.  Forever is a long time – take some time to prepare yourself.  There is a lot that you need to know about yourself in order to make the appropriate changes.  It really helps if you have some real support to help you along the way as well.

Beginning January 26th, I will be running a 4-week coaching program that will help you prepare for a lifetime of commitment to a healthy lifestyle.  The RESOLVE coaching group will ease you into making changes that will have a positive impact on your life.  You will have the support of your peers, your coach and an online group.  It’s impossible to do it alone and the great news is that you do not have to!  I’ll be sharing details throughout the week and will be starting Discovery sessions next week for those that are interested in participating.

I’m looking forward to sharing a fabulous 2010 with you!

The holidays can be rough for a lot of people.  Especially for people with health challenges and those who have faced trauma or loss. A friend of mine who is having a particularly hard time this year recently told me that she has nothing to be thankful for this year.  I replied, “Nothing?  Really?”  She has a wonderful husband who would do anything for her.  She has a beautiful and healthy daughter.  A job she likes.  Yes, she suffered a tragedy earlier in the year and Thanksgiving won’t be the same this year.  She admitted that she is jealous of all of the families that have grandmas and grandpas and even great grandmas and grandpas all together at Thanksgiving.  Life is not turning out to be the perfect life that she imagined it would be.  Feelings of “life’s not fair” keep popping up.

If you are trying to conceive and are having challenges, these feelings probably feel familiar to you.  I have silently suffered the news of friends and family members getting pregnant for years.  I’d say “congratulations” and then go home and cry.  News like that felt like a knife to the heart.  Why does everyone else I know just imagine sperm swimming up the love canal and get pregnant and I go years without being able to conceive?  It isn’t fair.  I really want to be pregnant, I really want another child.  I’ve even thought bad things about random pregnant women in the grocery store.  Now, is that really fair?  That woman with the bulging belly may have had to do IVF in order to get pregnant.  Or maybe she was barfing her brains out the first 3 months of her pregnancy.  Maybe she just found out her husband is having an affair and she is facing life as a single mom.  Or maybe, she really does have a nice, happy family.  It’s still no reason to hate her.  If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I could look at a woman like that and be genuinely happy for her, I’d have laughed at you.  I still had not let go of the bitterness and jealousy that encompassed my heart.  The reason I could not let go is that I did not realize how much I really had to be grateful for in my life.

What do you do if you are tortured by feelings of jealousy and “why me?” this holiday season?  I’ll share with you a simple exercise that you can do to reduce your jealousy demon and allow gratitude into your heart.  When you plant seeds of jealousy, more jealousy will grow.  And you will continue to be miserable.  Why not practice some compassion and love instead?  By planting compassion and love, more will grow and soon you will realize that these feelings of jealousy no longer plague you.  You will come to see that pain is all relative, and that one person’s pain and suffering is not greater or less than your own.  You will be able to see your friends’ suffering, therefore you will be able to not only see but share in their happiness as well.  Not just share it, but really feel it.  And this feels much better than the bitter feelings of jealousy that pinch, nag and kick down your psyche.

How to Reduce Feelings of Jealousy

Create an altar of gratitude.  Take 5 candles and line them up on a table or other flat surface.  On a sheet of paper or in a notebook, write down 5 things for which you are truly grateful.  Light your first candle and say out loud, “I am thankful for _____ because ______. ”  Look at your paper and say the second thing on your list, then light the second candle.  Repeat the phrase.  Do this for  the third, fourth and fifth items on your list.  When all of your candles are lit, spend a few moments in silence, holding that feeling of gratitude in your heart.  When you are finished, blow out the candles but keep the paper with your list on it.  Hang it someplace where you will see it often – a mirrror, your refrigerator.  You could even make a screen saver with your list on it to remind you on a daily basis.  Remember that you can go to your altar whenever you need to get back in touch with those feelings of gratitude.

As I have really gotten in touch with the suffering of other women with PCOS and others who are trying to conceive, my love and compassion has grown immensely.  If someone announces that she is pregnant, I truly do feel happy for her.  Her triumphs give me hope and I feel connected not only to her suffering but to her happiness as well.  And this feels so much better than being jealous.  I still have those feelings of  ”I wish it was me” but I replace those thoughts with “This will be me soon”.  I am preparing to have a baby in every way.  A baby will come into my life, I just am not sure of exactly how he or she will get here.  But I am grateful for the journey I am taking and all of the memories I am making along the way!

An entry from my gratitude journal:

I am thankful for my supportive family.  I know that no matter what happens, no one is judging me for the choices that I have made.  I am grateful for my husband and my daughter, Liliana.  I am grateful that I get to spend so much time with them and get to make wonderful memories each and every day.  I am grateful for every “I love you” and the feelings of good energy that are transferred into my very being each and every day.  I am grateful for the love of my kitty and my puppies – it feels great to be loved so much unconditionally.  They have taught me that there is no place in my life for jealousy or ill will.  I am grateful to God for all of the opportunities I have had in my life.  I know that I am going down the path that I am meant to take.  I am grateful for His love and support; without Him I would be nothing.

Take a few moments to write down 5 things for which you are grateful.  Put a little bit more meaning into the holiday this year.  Happy Thanksgiving!  I am truly grateful for all of your support and feedback!

Holly

So many overweight women worry that their children will also have a weight problem.  If you have ever seen Dr. Phil or some of the other talk shows, I am sure that you have seen the overweight parents with severely overweight children.  It is clear that there is a link there. Genetics?  Perhaps a little, but mostly it is about lifestyle.  Allow me to elaborate.

I have been sort of nonchalantly watching my daughter lately.  Watching her eat, that is.  My mother-in-law is always worried about what she eats, that she isn’t eating enough meat, etc.  But my observations have really led me to believe that she is getting what she needs for now.  Sometimes she just is not hungry, so she doesn’t eat.  When she does eat, she eats until she has had enough and has no qualms about leaving food on her plate and walking away (or feeding her leftovers to the dogs).  She really enjoys her food and eats very slowly.  Sometimes she even makes “mmmmm mmmmm” sounds when she eats if she really likes it.  She is a typical 3-year old, she likes things that are sweet.  She prefers bread (but I only buy whole grain with no HFCS) to vegetables and does not like anything too spicy or “nasty” as she calls it.  She snacks on almonds, dried figs, whole wheat pretzels and other various fresh fruits.  She accepts that we do not eat ice cream every day.  I like to have her “help” me make food on a regular basis.  She can stir and pour in ingredients.  I turn it into a little lesson for her – we talk about what goes in the food, why we eat it, or talk about what letters all the ingredients start with.  I love that she knows what agave nectar is!

I really try to avoid making a big deal out of eating.  Because I am trying my best to live a healthy lifestyle, you will rarely find junk food in my house.  I make one meal for dinner, either Lili eats it or she doesn’t.  I offer praise for trying new foods.  I hide vegetables whenever possible.  I would like her to think that this healthy way of eating is “normal”.  Of course she has not gotten to the age when she goes over to friends’ houses and samples their perhaps not so healthy lifestyles.  I do not ever tell her to “clean her plate”.  Food is just food.  It gives us nourishment and energy.  I really try my best to not use food as a reward, though I have bribed with a healthy dessert a few times when Lili was on a hunger strike.

Of course, a healthy lifestyle is more than just the food we chose to shove in our mouths.  I feel pretty good that Lili knows what all of my exercise equipment is called.  She likes to do my bhangra dance videos with me (I think she does it better than me to – she has rhythm!).  She enjoys going hiking in the woods, loves to swim, and is a great running partner even though she doesn’t run.  She does, however, tell me to “go faster!” and yells at me if I stop.  We try to incorporate some activity into every day.  Sometimes we turn on some silly songs and dance, sometimes we go to the playground and run around, sometimes we go to open gym at a gymnastics studio.  I don’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just something we do.  She does not appreciate the fact that I limit her TV time, but that’s part of life – learning to deal with things that we do not like.

I am no different than many other women.  Having been overweight most of my life, I do not want my daughter to have to go through that.  But I am not modeling the tactics used by my own parents.  I think these things made my problems worse.  Of course back then I did not know I had PCOS, and this in retrospect is probably a blessing since that probably would have made my mother put a lock on the refrigerator and cupboards.  I am not attempting to control, just model healthy behaviors the majority of the time.  I keep healthy food in the house, not buy junk food and tell her not to eat it.  I will NEVER NEVER tell her she is fat or give her nicknames like Thunder Thighs.  I will not drag her to Weight Watchers meetings when she is 10 years old.  I have to be careful about what I say too – I need to watch my own self-criticism because I do not want her to repeat it.  Most of all, I do not ever want her to think I do not love her exactly the way she is.  So many fat kids grow up thinking that their parents can only love them if they are thin.  I know I did.

Right now, Lili is a confident and active little girl.  I would like her to stay that way.  And I think the best way for me to do that is to give up some control, to have faith that she knows what she needs most of the time.  When it comes to food anyway.  There will be no Clean Plate Club in my house.  And no sugared cereals either.  Or white bread.  Ice cream is always organic and natural with no chemicals in it.  We are keeping it real around here.  And for now, we are all OK with that.  And it’s good to be OK!

I am all for using natural products for enhancing fertility.  I really believe in the products from Fairhaven Health.  My husband and I are using several of their products right now in order to prepare for an addition to our family.  Due to my PCOS, I have very irregular periods and know that I do not ovulate regularly.  I’ve been doing a lot to try to correct this – taking supplements, losing weight, exercising- and I want to know if that little egg is being released.  I’ve been down this road before and have wasted A LOT of money on ovulation predictor sticks that you pee on.  They always show that I am NOT ovulating, or have an inconclusive result.  That’s why I really like the Fertile Focus Ovulation Microscope.  I paid $27 for it – just once – and I can use it with each cycle to see what’s going on.  It’s super easy to use too.  All you do is spit on the little lense, let it dry, then focus the microscope and see if you have a “ferning pattern”.  I am still waiting for my ferns this month, but I am confident that I will see them!  

To find out more information on this product, visit http://www.fairhavenhealth.com.

This week, I will be giving away a Fertile Focus Ovulation Microscope – for FREE!  Well, almost.  There are a few things that you need to do to be entered into the contest. 

 Make a comment on this post and include the following:

     a.)  Your full name, email address, blog or website if you have one.

     b.) Answer this question:  What impact do you believe your mindset has on             your fertility?

You can also earn 1 bonus entry for doing each of these things: 

a.)  Add me as a friend on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/yumyumqueen

b.)  Follow me on Twitter:

 http://www.twitter.com/yummylifecoach

c.)  Put a link to my blog on your blog - 

http://yummylifeblog.com

d.)  Fill out the contact page on my website and put in the comment section:

“Please add me to your newsletter list”

The first newsletter will be coming out at the end of this week, and there will be some great stuff in there!  

The drawing will take place next Tuesday, October 13.  It will be a random drawing, so the more entries you have the better the chance of you being chosen. You also get a 10% off Coupon for Fairhaven Health – the coupon code is “greatdeal” .  Good luck! 

**Since you are all winners, all people who enter will receive a special bonus from Yummy Life Coaching – you’ll find out what it is on the day of the drawing**

You can’t eat anything white.  No rice, no potatoes, no white pasta, no white bread.  When you are first trying to balance yourself out, you really can’t have any carbs at all.  So you can’t have ANY rice, pasta, bread, tortillas.  Oh, and no corn or peas either.  And for right now, no beans or lentils.  Absolutely no sugar.  None.

Read the above statement to yourself a few times.  Now take note of how you are feeling.  Do you want to be a rebel and go on a junk food binge?  Do you want to cry?  Does it make you mourn for all of your old “friends”?  Are you telling yourself “I can’t do this”?

You want to be healthy.  You want to release unwanted weight and feel better.  You want to be diabetes free and have the energy to live an active life.  You might even want to have a baby and you know that you are in no condition to conceive at the moment.  Being on any kind of restrictive diet is very difficult.  It’s hard to stick to long term, and impossible to do alone.  Every woman is unique and every woman’s body reacts to certain foods in different ways.  So what works for your friend who has PCOS may not work for you, even though you share the same condition.  How frustrating is that?

You don’t need to go on a “diet”.  You need to embrace a new, healthier lifestyle.  That includes some retraining of your brain as well.  It will not be easy to change your life if you focus on what is missing in your life.  Focusing on “can’t” will give you exactly that result – you won’t be able to make permanent changes.  Can you learn to love eating healthy food?  Absolutely!  There might be some steps that you need to take in order for this to become possible for you.  I’m not talking about gagging on a stalk of broccoli that you eat just because it’s good for you.  If you really hate something, don’t eat it!  But you may be surprised at how real food not only tastes yummy but also makes you feel better than you ever thought possible.

You can eat fresh, organic produce!  You can use alternative flours to make yummy desserts on occasion!  You can have creamy almond milk to make smoothies and shakes!  You can make your own ice cream!  You can eat exotic grains that do not leave you feeling sluggish and bloated!  You can have natural, organic meats that taste way better than the conventional stuff.  It may seem odd to you that eventually you will crave grilled veggie kabobs and baked cinnamon apples.

Do you want to spend your life really enjoying it or whining about what you “can’t have”?  The truth is, you can have your favorite things every once in awhile.  But chances are that if you really learn to listen to your body and focus on how great you feel, after a while you won’t even want to eat anything that doesn’t help you feel healthy and energetic.

I invite you to take a look at how you feel about eating healthy foods.  Does your mind drift back to things you’d rather be eating?  How can you change your thinking in order to make eating more enjoyable for you?  After all, it’s just food. More on that later…

Be Well!

Holly

There are just some days when I HATE my body.  Not because I am not a skinny supermodel.  I hate it because of what it won’t do for me.  Today is one of those blah days…I do not like my body today.  Yes, I have more rolls than your average breadbasket, but that is not the reason for my anger.

On days like today I find myself being really mean to my body.  I have been playing this game long enough to be familiar with what my body likes and doesn’t like, and what it NEEDS. But these blah days make me throw all of that good sense out the window and resort to an old, familiar behavior.  One right out of a medieval fairy tale.  I resort to PUNISHMENT.  No, I’m not a cutter or a self-mutilator.  Food and lack of exercise are my weapons of choice.  Food is the more deadly of the two.

Death by Cookies

I might be telling myself things like “You’ve had such a bad day.  You deserve something good” or “Just one won’t hurt”.  But what I am really thinking is “Stupid body – you won’t give me what I want, now I won’t give you what you want!”  Feeding my body chocolate and cookies will not convince my body to let go of the damn egg give me a glimmer of hope that I may be able to have a baby one day.  I know this.  Sitting on the couch in front of the television in a coma-like trance will not convince my body to stop producing so much testosterone.  If that was the case I would not be applying for jobs as a bearded lady in the circus right now.

WHY THE PUNISHMENT?  AM I A MASOCHIST?

Why yes, I think I am.  I think I am so used to being in pain of some kind.  I can not imagine a life without it.  When I start to feel good, I whip out the weapons and inflict more pain!  But all hope is not lost because…

I RECOGNIZE WHAT I AM DOING.  AND I HAVE THE POWER TO STOP AND GO BACK TO THE PLACE OF SELF LOVE AND SELF ACCEPTANCE THAT I HAVE WORKED HARD TO CREATE.

Self sabotage is so common among women, especially women with PCOS.  Women that SHOULD NOT DO IT!  Perhaps because we are used to hearing negative things?  Surrounding ourselves with negative energy?  I’m not sure of the why, it doesn’t really matter anyway.

I am putting away my weapons.  I am apologizing to myself.

Dear Body,

I know that you do not remain out of balanced and uncooperative because you deliberately want to hurt me.  I have contributed to your state of being, and I recognize this, and I am sorry for all of the pain and abuse I have put you through.  I admit that I hurt you on purpose.  I will immediately stop this attack and promise to treat you with the kindness and respect that you deserve.

Love,

Your Magnificent Self

I am going to go for a run in the rain, not for the purpose of imposing great pain upon my body, but because it is what my body needs to perform optimally.  My body needs an hour of stress-free meditation where I am out of the house, am not listening to a 3 year old whine, and I am not fretting about anything.  After the run, I am going to take a hot shower and relax for the rest of night.

Do you punish your body?  How’s it working for you?  I leave you with a challenge to be kinder to yourself.  Learn to recognize when you are about to whip out the machete and sabotage your good efforts.  Learn to lessen the damage of your violent behavior.  After all, if you cripple your body, what kind of life will you have?

Peace to you!

Holly

I read about how going raw can help cure all kinds of medical conditions, even cancer.  I read alot about raw food helping with PCOS.  I tried it out and feel so good I am addicted now.  I don’t even eat 100% raw yet.  But my skin has cleared up, I’ve started losing more weight, I have way more energy.  And I don’t spend half my day cooking  Got to love that!